Waiting

"Please take a seat, Miss Renard. You are a few minutes early." The woman led Sarah towards a bench. "If you will please have a seat." Sitting down, Sarah looked around the plain waiting room. Nervously, she tousled her hair, its dark brown strands tied back in a ponytail. She twisted it around her hand and continued to glance around the room. A handful of other people sat at whatever distance they could from everybody else, each there for their own purposes. Most had grim looks on their faces. Sarah became more nervous as she waited.

Waiting.

Sarah had been waiting for this day for over a year, and had not been nervous until this point. She could remember the day she had come out to her parents. What had it been? One? Two? Three years? Why was it that the nervousness of now was just as bad as that day? She couldn't make heads or tails of her feelings right now. Sarah felt like crying. None of her friends were here to lend a supporting hand. She stood alone at this major crossroads. She looked at the door.

She could still change her mind and leave.

Across the way, a middle aged couple sat and smiled at each other, talking in hushed tones as those of grim emotion sat in silence around them. Beside them, their daughter sat, bored, hands on her chin as she listened to her parents chat. At least someone in the room was in good spirits.

Sarah began to think back to that first day all those years ago. The day she had told her parents.

"Mom, I've got something I need to talk to you and dad about…" Darren looked towards his parents, unsure of where to go. "I don't really know how to say this." he looked off to the side, and let out a sigh. "I actually don't know how to say this at all…" He looked back up at his dad.

"Are you gay?"

Darren looked at his dad. He wasn't that far off the mark, but Darren knew that there was a long night ahead of him. "No dad. I'm not 'gay.' I… I wish I had been a girl…"  Darren began to explain his feelings on the subject. Tears were streaming down his face most of the night as he explained his feelings. His desires to be seen as a girl. To be treated like a lady. Even his deep need to be a mother. The night dragged on, questions from his parents being answered in succession. Sometimes he had to explain things twice. Even then, he doubted that they understood. It wasn't that easy for them to do so.

Darren finished his spiel and looked at his parents. He hoped they would understand. He looked at them both. Tears were in his mothers eyes. She looked back at her son and said tearfully, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Mom, it's not what I want, it's who I am."

She reached over and gave him a hug. "No matter what you do, I will always love and support you." She looked him in the eyes and made sure he understood. "I don't understand it, but you are my child and nothing will change that."

Darren looked at his father. "I don't know what to say. But it's your life. No matter what, we won't abandon you." He stood up and gave Darren a hug as well.

Sarah remembered that day well. It was the day her new life had begun in earnest. Her old life seemed a distant memory compared to that. So much had happened and yet, so little. She had made many friends, and had lost a few she had really cared about. She looked back across towards the couple. She saw their smiles and remembered why she was changing her life so radically. She remembered her new friends and her old friends. Lynn, Jennifer, Lavender, and Erin had all been great supporters, and had supported her all the way. It was those little things that had allowed her to continue this far.

Sarah looked up and another women came out and began to call out names for various different things. Finally, she called out her name. "Darren Renard." She stood up and entered the courtroom. Her new life began today. Soon Darren would truly be Sarah.

Soon Sarah would be happy.